Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Coachella Roundout part I: Jokes

When you've been writing about music for as long as I have, you start to get ahead of yourself at shows. The mind cannot help but try and form interesting sentences and descriptions which you'll no doubt forget by the time you write the damn article anyhow. But then, when you're as crazy as I am, sometimes the mind comes up with really odd shit to say that aren't particularly true or make any sense at all and honestly you consider printing it anyways (by the doctrine of "Anything Pitchfork can do, I can do better"). So... as I scramble to assemble viable copy from Coachella, I will assault you with these dumb things that I conjured up while watching various bands perform:

Holy Fuck: "If James Brown were alive today, he'd be Holy Fuck."

Serj Tankian: "FROM BEHIND THOSE EMPTY LYRICS!!!! FROM BEHIND THOSE EMPTY LYRICS!!!!"

Roger Waters: "And then, silently, the world stopped taking its medication."

Deadmau5: "Either this guy's fucking amazing or I'm just a sucker for goofy masks. Or both."

Prince: "Prince is so gay he fucks women." (I'm such a class act.)

Stars: "Little did they know the hatred that seethed behind the delightful, loving pop tunes."

Gogol Bordello: "Then the great holy gypsy danced into the crowd, which offered him their wallets freely as tribute." (gypsies, pickpocketing, oh nevermind...)

Busy P: "They say the more alien in appearance the DJ, the better the set." 

Metric: "What's the sound of one man napping? Oh yes, zzzz...."

Fatboy Slim: "That guy might be older than electronics."

Goldfrapp: "She's wearing like 3 decades right now."

I'm From Barcelona: "It's like being diabetic. You could be in I'm From Barcelona and not even know it... Until your organs started shutting down."

Spank Rock: "In the history of Hip-hop shows, there has never been a more clothed female presence onstage than right now. Except for maybe Queen Latifah, but only if you go by yards of fabric."

Chromeo: "If you're cool enough to be onstage for this show, you're cool enough to take a punch in the balls from me."

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