Saturday, December 29, 2007

Coachella Rumors: Dupree Edish'

http://avoision.blogspot.com/ (that's a plug)



This guy's keepin' fairly good tabs on the REAL rumors and confirmations, so I thought i'd give you some speculation from my famously awful perspective. in sections...



Headliners which will never happen in a million years, but are still required entrances on the rumor season:
The Smiths

David Bowie

At The Drive-In (this year's big reunion, we swear!) ed. note: this one gets me in such a homicidal mood.

Led Zeppelin

Smashing Pumpkins

Pulp



Bands which better be there or i'ma hav'ta kick somebody's scrotum:

St. Vincent

Asobi Seksu

UNKLE

Foals

Liars

Queens Of The Stone Age

Eagles Of Death Metal

Black Ghosts

Matt And Kim

Basement Jaxx

Kenna

Buck 65

Sage Francis

PJ Harvey

The Ting-Tings (aka The "That's Not My Name" band)

Stars

Feist

Metric

Broken Social Scene (including, ahem, satellite members from Stars, Feist, and Metric)

something involving Dan "The Automator" Nakamura or Danger Mouse

Bangers & Cash/Spank Rock/Amanda Blank

No less than a handful of uber-hip DJ's from Paris and/or Los Angeles



Things that would be so ridiculously awesome because you could watch and wait for something terrible to happen:

Britney Spears

Amy Winehouse

those escaped tigers



Fairly Unheard Bands that totally deserve the opportunity:

Blood Red Shoes (imagine the white stripes switched instruments and they both got more attractive and English and then started playing garage-dance rock.)



Does It Offend You, Yeah? (DFA1979 energy and electro-rock backup. This would go great at the last party ever)



Le Loup (The Knife + Menomena)



Evangelicals (if you wanted to know what the Pixies sound like on drugs without having to take drugs, they've got you covered)



Dead Confederate (Passionate, Dirty, and vaguely southern; that's a winning formula)



Oh-So-Hip Bands I will Oh-So-Avoid if they're at Coachella:

Yeasayer

Arctic Klaxon Chiefs (The only band of the new brit crop I ever liked was the Kooks)

Sam Champion

A Place To Bury Strangers (no kool-aid for me thanks)

Battles

Beirut (honestly...?)

Animal Collective (Strawberry Jam was AMAZING for like 2 minutes, a span of time I will be happy to miss out on)

Of Montreal (seriously, I don't care how many cell-phone commercials you put that kool-aid on, i'm still not gonna drink it. Just look at it!)



Bands which will be inexplicably invited to play, to the dismay of most concert-goers:

Paramore (requisite Warped Tour band with delusions of revelance)

Plain White T's (requisite Bro-pleaser)

John Mayer (requisite effeminate male balladier whose first name begins with a J)

Tiesto (requisite tacky trance-god)

Maroon 5 (requisite big name pop act trying to score cred)

Perry Farrell (he may just have to form an even newer band for the fest)

Shadows Fall (Requisite "too heavy for a desert afternoon" act)

Dwight Yoakam (requisite country band... confirmed!)



Bands Which Would Be Amazing Additions But Have Been Overlooked Because Goldenvoice Has A Childish Fear Of The English Language:

Holy Fuck



Now I know that this has been pretty negative, so i'd like to say something positive: I no longer dislike the Decemberists (on the whole). In fact, I'd go so far as to say I like every one of them but Colin Meloy, whom I hate because of his stupid Professor Frink voice modulations. If someone could please tell him to stop, i'd appreciate it. I'd also appreciate the Decembos much more.

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