Saturday, December 29, 2007

Coachella Rumors: Dupree Edish' (that's a plug)

This guy's keepin' fairly good tabs on the REAL rumors and confirmations, so I thought i'd give you some speculation from my famously awful perspective. in sections...

Headliners which will never happen in a million years, but are still required entrances on the rumor season:
The Smiths

David Bowie

At The Drive-In (this year's big reunion, we swear!) ed. note: this one gets me in such a homicidal mood.

Led Zeppelin

Smashing Pumpkins


Bands which better be there or i'ma hav'ta kick somebody's scrotum:

St. Vincent

Asobi Seksu




Queens Of The Stone Age

Eagles Of Death Metal

Black Ghosts

Matt And Kim

Basement Jaxx


Buck 65

Sage Francis

PJ Harvey

The Ting-Tings (aka The "That's Not My Name" band)




Broken Social Scene (including, ahem, satellite members from Stars, Feist, and Metric)

something involving Dan "The Automator" Nakamura or Danger Mouse

Bangers & Cash/Spank Rock/Amanda Blank

No less than a handful of uber-hip DJ's from Paris and/or Los Angeles

Things that would be so ridiculously awesome because you could watch and wait for something terrible to happen:

Britney Spears

Amy Winehouse

those escaped tigers

Fairly Unheard Bands that totally deserve the opportunity:

Blood Red Shoes (imagine the white stripes switched instruments and they both got more attractive and English and then started playing garage-dance rock.)

Does It Offend You, Yeah? (DFA1979 energy and electro-rock backup. This would go great at the last party ever)

Le Loup (The Knife + Menomena)

Evangelicals (if you wanted to know what the Pixies sound like on drugs without having to take drugs, they've got you covered)

Dead Confederate (Passionate, Dirty, and vaguely southern; that's a winning formula)

Oh-So-Hip Bands I will Oh-So-Avoid if they're at Coachella:


Arctic Klaxon Chiefs (The only band of the new brit crop I ever liked was the Kooks)

Sam Champion

A Place To Bury Strangers (no kool-aid for me thanks)


Beirut (honestly...?)

Animal Collective (Strawberry Jam was AMAZING for like 2 minutes, a span of time I will be happy to miss out on)

Of Montreal (seriously, I don't care how many cell-phone commercials you put that kool-aid on, i'm still not gonna drink it. Just look at it!)

Bands which will be inexplicably invited to play, to the dismay of most concert-goers:

Paramore (requisite Warped Tour band with delusions of revelance)

Plain White T's (requisite Bro-pleaser)

John Mayer (requisite effeminate male balladier whose first name begins with a J)

Tiesto (requisite tacky trance-god)

Maroon 5 (requisite big name pop act trying to score cred)

Perry Farrell (he may just have to form an even newer band for the fest)

Shadows Fall (Requisite "too heavy for a desert afternoon" act)

Dwight Yoakam (requisite country band... confirmed!)

Bands Which Would Be Amazing Additions But Have Been Overlooked Because Goldenvoice Has A Childish Fear Of The English Language:

Holy Fuck

Now I know that this has been pretty negative, so i'd like to say something positive: I no longer dislike the Decemberists (on the whole). In fact, I'd go so far as to say I like every one of them but Colin Meloy, whom I hate because of his stupid Professor Frink voice modulations. If someone could please tell him to stop, i'd appreciate it. I'd also appreciate the Decembos much more.

No comments: