Saturday, June 16, 2007

Mean Things about Nice People: Chapter One

A lot of blogs have a friday five. It's like a list of 5 things in a category that's chosen for that week. It's almost entirely arbitrary as far as how categories get selected, but I figured I should have one anyway. So to make it more interesting, and to amuse myself, i've come up with a theme which will carry me forever: Saying horrible things about bands and artists whose only crime was making music in the same universe as me. I may even like some of these artists, but that's not what fridays are all about. INAUGURAL SMACKDOWN HO!

1. Amy Winehouse: Proof that being a painted-up lush is acceptable so long as you sing good. That's empowerment, right?

2. Plain White T's: Boy George did that exact same transitory blend of hip and sensitive. And he fucked his drummer. These kids have some work to do.

3. Rihanna: No thanks, guys. I'll catch the next one-name-sexy-R&B-songstress-featuring-a-rapper bandwagon. I'm still sore over all the depreciation my Monifah action figures have gone through. Mo'llectible they are NOT.

4. Fabolous: I understand why he swapped out the U. it's a hard sound to make. And since when has hip-hop ever been about expressing oneself clearly?

5. Puddle Of Mudd: It's called karma. These guys get a mountain of undeserved record label advertising and support (they're called post-grunge for fuck's sake), but every sunday evening one of them has to get dressed up like Kurt Cobain and fellate David Geffen while he listens to "Smells Like Teen Spirit" on repeat.

--BONUS DISS--
Cake: I saw a billboard proclaiming that Cake would be appearing for a weekend performance at some casino near Lake Tahoe. I can't even imagine the hordes of disappointed old people upon discovering the non-dessert nature of these fading alt-rockers.

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